Last night was one of those nights.
Gilbert woke up at 12:59. I rocked him for a few minutes and then put him back in his crib. He hollered. I was feeling incapable of dealing with this from a vertical perspective, so I plopped him into bed with us and pushed him over to Justin after a few minutes of cuddling. Justin never flinched. Happily, I went back to sleep, or at least that semi-conscious state in which I noted every movement of Gilbert (toss, turn, kick, kick, wiggle, wiggle up, bump his head on the wall). At 4, I decided I couldn't handle it anymore. So I carefully took him back to his crib and crawled back in bed wondering why on earth I hadn't done this at 1:20. And then I began to reflect on my general inability to make good choices about simple things. And then I was very awake, redoing the taxes in my head and making sure I did everything right. This is difficult, since the tax forms are hard to place correctly in my head at 4 AM. I then spent a GOOD deal of time thinking: I did that WRONG. What if they audit us? ohhhh why am I such an idiot. No, I really think I DID do that right. But did I do that other thing right? Aaaaahhhh. I don't know. I need to check first thing in the morning. My head feels funny. I feel like I might faint. Why am I feeling faint? Because it is 4:40 and you are laying here redoing taxes in your head. But my blood pressure was high today at my appointment today. What if I have high blood pressure. That might mean I have toxemia. The doctor DID say I was at higher risk for it with gestational diabetes. I bet I have toxemia. I CAN FEEL MY HEARTBEAT IN MY EAR. My veins are probably going to explode from the pressure. Don't be an idiot. My word, that doesn't happen. Deep breaths. Ahhhh.... What was that cure for toxemia we learned about in birth class? An 18 egg omelet. Oh help us. I don't think I could stomach that. I really should make one in case. Have I been eating enough protein???? (mental review of what I have eaten for the past week, almost as difficult as mental taxes). I should eat more protein. Should I go get some right now? Ooooh my head feels funny. Should I wake Justin? GO TO SLEEP. I wonder if I am getting another cold. It does sort of feel like a cold...
Finally, I dozed off, to wake up half an hour later and think "Hey I fell asleep! Cool......"
When Justin's alarm went off I felt like I had aged 50 years and gained 300 pounds--completely no energy. I tried to come up with a reasonable amount of money that I would pay to be able to stay in bed, but it was difficult. Even $10 seemed a bit much. If I was a billionaire, I would pay $43,000. But then I realized if I was a billionaire I could just make someone drive Orianna to school when I felt good and ready to get her dressed. Or I would make the nanny get her ready. And then I thought about how I would MISS having to do stuff for the kids if we got a nanny. Which propelled me out of bed. Orianna was thankfully cheerful this morning, which made life easier. After lots of Orianna hugs and kisses, Lily and Gilbert waved to the bus in front of an open door and got frightfully cold. Gilbert doesn't get quite as cold, since waving at the bus is a full body experience, involving a 180 degree side to side movement of his upper body while waving wildly with his hand and yelling riotously. Lily, however, waves demurely and gets freezing cold. We decided oatmeal and peanut butter toast with milk would be best to warm our tummies. After asking every 10 seconds if the oatmeal was done, I finally gave her a bowl of oatmeal, which she spilled in dribbles all the way to the table. Lily assured me that spilling would never happen when she was 5. And proceeded to read a Jan Brett book for 10 minutes while I told her to eat breakfast. Gilbert took a lot of convincing that his oatmeal was NOT too hot. He then insisted on eating it himself. After dribbling oatmeal down his chin and all over his star jammies, he decided that maybe Mommy could help after all. In between every bite, he pointed to the mess he made, made me say mess and then fussed about cleaning it up THAT SECOND. I pretended I was deaf. (I might not want a nanny, but I wouldn't mind a maid.) When he got tired of pointing out the mess, he fussed about his black bear rubber boots that he had put on over his footie jammies that needed constant readjustment to keep on. Then he needed a book. I told him no. Then he saw a coloring book and needed crayons. I told him no. Then he decided he HAD to be done so he could go get his Michael Finnegan book. As I finally ate my breakfast he kept trying to point to my chin (igan) while I tried to convince him that just because HE loves Michael Finnegan, it doesn't mean that I want to read it in between bites. He gave up and went over to ask Lily to share his love of Michael Finnegan. Being much more kind than her mother, Lily gave up her mostly finished breakfast and sang to him.
They are now laughing and splashing in the bath.
I need a nap.
But really, what nice kids they all are.