Last week, Grandma Cotten was laid to rest. She had Alzheimer's and hadn't recognized anyone for a good long while. In our minds, we all knew it was time for her. Grandma Cotten had already been taken by the disease. But our hearts are still lonesome for her. For the Nola Bell we had known and loved.
When Justin and I got married, he brought 6 grandparents, between greats and regular grandparents, to the marriage. I brought zero, since my last grandparent died when I was 9. Fortunately for me, Justin was willing to share his largess and I became a granddaughter at 20.
I lucked out--all his grandparents were terrific and loving and willing to share their love with me. Two years after we were married, we moved down to Colorado and I got to know Grandma Cotten much better.
She was loving, caring so deeply about her kids and grandkids (and their spouses and kids!) and was always thrilled that you were there so she could lavish love (in the form of cinnamon rolls and slippers) on you.
She was generous, willing to cook a meal for anyone or help out where ever was needed at the drop of a hat without complaint or fuss.
She was fun, almost always ready to tease or joke or laugh with one of her precious kids or grandkids.
She was busy, knitting, cooking, cleaning. She never just sat around and stared. I remember her breaking her leg and how difficult it was for her to just sit around and be waited upon. She was the one who did the waiting, not the other way around.
She was faithful, maintaining a trust and relationship with God that carried her through a lot of difficult situations in life. Even when Alzheimer's had a stranglehold on her mind, but hadn't taken it completely, she would still perk up when the hymns were sung. She carefully tended that relationship while she was able and there was no doubt to any of us what was most precious to her.
She had expectations. While she was loving and generous, she also wanted the best for her family. She wanted them to do their best, be their best, and act their best. And her love for her made you want to meet those expectations. Motivation.
Grandma loved her kitchen. Grandpa built it for her with a baking center, nice big island for family to gather around, and roses everywhere. She never turned away help, enjoying the company.
A kitchen full of family
Grandma and Grandpa loved each other through and through. Grandpa had a strong personality and definite ideas about things. He didn't hesitate to be open and honest about those ideas with others, and if he thought an idea was the right thing to do, he did it. Sometimes, those ideas might not have been 100% Grandma's idea of what to do, but she didn't complain. She was a proud to be Danny Cotten's wife and wanted to be the best wife she could be.
And Grandpa Cotten loved her devotedly right back.
While I was thinking about writing this, I searched my brain for words of wisdom from Grandma or times that we had heart to heart conversations. Unforntunately, I don't remember a lot. I have a terrible memory, but also, much of the time we spent together was while other people were around as well. We Cottens tend to congregate in groups.
However, I do remember one weekend Justin and I spent at their house. It was very low-key, I don't think we anyone else stopped by or came over. Grandpa and Justin went off to do things outside and Grandma and I spent the day together. We talked about all kinds of things--recipes, kitchen gadgets, friends, family, being a wife, and God. I don't remember the words we said due to that faulty memory of mine, but I remember the feeling I had--encouraged, inspired, and loved. I was still young with some silly ideas, but even while she didn't agree with me, she never made me feel silly. She always pointed me back to the most important things--doing what is right before God, being a good wife, and loving others.
Sometimes I wonder if we knew the real Grandma. She never put her opinions or needs out there as necessary for public consumption. How she felt about something wasn't really the point to her.
She did what needed to be done and didn't waste time on alternate possibilities.
(I LOVE this picture of her loving Gilbert.)
This is Aunt Cari and Grandma. At this point, Grandma was starting to be very affected by Alzhemeirs. I think you can see it in her smile. If you look at the picture of her with Gilbert above this, her smile is just that much more. She was happy in this picture, but she couldn't really make perfect sense of what was going on around her and you can see a little of that confusion and the resulting mental exhaustion from trying to make sense of things.
One thing we are all so thankful for is the love she had at the end of her life from Mick and Dawna. She lived with them and they made sure she was able to do as much as she could while she was able.
And when she wasn't able for much, they were right there surrounding her with love and care.
I think it was hard for Grandpa to adjust to being the caregiver when Grandma had been the one to care for him for all those years, but he tried.
And through it all, he loved her still.
One thing about loving other people lavishly, you often get that love returned to you tenfold.
Grandma was loved.
It is hard to think of both of them being gone. These two faithful, loving people who I had the fortune to love and be loved by for a few short years.
I am so lucky.
