September 5, 2013

And so it begins

Another school year has begun. And I have not a single picture to show you. Which just goes to show that I am a bad Facebook parent. Everyone else was organized enough to not only take the picture of their kids, but post it in a timely manner. Sigh. But being rushed, did make it less emotional. I didn't cry at all. I guess the rushing "Why is the bus here so early? Oh, whoops, it isn't early." feeling was so familiar, I just felt like we had never had a summer vacation.

Last night I had a moment. We went to the library yesterday and got out a nice stack of books. After we got home, Elsie was fussing, so I went and cuddled her and was contemplating going to sleep myself, since Gilbert was asleep, and Orianna came in and asked me to read her some of the books we got out. But I told her not right now, Mummy is going to have a rest. Then, last night when I was laying out their clothes for today (Ha! I am organized sometimes!) I found her little stack of books that remained unread and I just about burst into tears. HOW could I not have read them to her? Starting school and I couldn't even take time to read her three books?!?!! Somehow, it doesn't matter that there is this afternoon to read them. I missed my chance.

As I stood there holding the books last night, trying not to cry, I realized that I had been telling Mom not to be ridiculous the other day when she was feeling bad about not having this or that the way she had wanted it to be before Tori started school and Livie started college. "Of course it doesn't matter." And then I find that in some parallel universe it does matter, so terribly much. I doubt it matters as much to the kids as the mother. School starting makes me think of all the things I was going to do with the kids this summer that I never got around to doing. All those missed opportunities. I didn't make them a priority and then silly things got in the way. I don't believe in doing everything your kids want at the moment they ask for it, but I know I wasn't as good about doing things with them as I should have been.

I know, I know. Get over it. They are happy, healthy, seemingly well adjusted kids. And they probably aren't giving two thoughts to the fact that I didn't take them on walks as much as I should have or I didn't take Orianna, by herself, to town. But I am. They are just such good kids.

It has been a busy week. We had the pig roast this past weekend and then Sunday night, Justin and I spent the night in the ER, discovering that Justin had an inflamed gallbladder. He was admitted to the hospital, and then had surgery Tuesday morning. He got home late Tuesday, in a bit of pain, but managing. The worse part seems to be the carbon dioxide (I think) that they inflated his stomach with to help the surgeon see things properly in there. It is making him uncomfortable all over. With this happening so quickly, neither of us had given a thought to the afterwards of the surgery. Justin can't lift over 20 pounds for three weeks. Which alters his work schedule drastically. It should all work out okay, but it takes a bit of sorting. And then yesterday, we had a busy day, running errands that had been let slide while Justin was cooped up. Not how I thought I would spend the week before school started and Lindsey was back from Alaska. But I am so glad she is  here. She watched the kids all day long on Tuesday. If she hadn't been here, things would have been a lot more difficult. Yeah, my sister comes home from Alaska and spends her time watching my kids, doing a bit of laundry, dishes, keeping the kids happy... I have a pretty nice sister. And I know if Lindsey hadn't been here, my other sisters and family would have stepped in and made it work. I am pretty lucky.

I have lots of pictures to put up, but my camera is missing in action. Possibly on top of the piano at Mom and Dad's. So you will have to wait for those. Sorry to be so wordy. Pictures are much more interesting.

Here is one of Gilbert after the girls left this morning. One of the reasons I didn't get a picture of the girls is that I was trying to get Gilbert dressed so he wouldn't be in his jammies for the picture. (There. Perfect example of missing something good because I was trying to make it better.) Gilbert has new gloves from Uncle Owen. Meeting was at Owen and Ashley's last night, and Owen decided Gilbert needed these gloves, since they are orange. The large size would give him something to work towards Owen said. Gilbert loves them and they helped make it okay that Gilbert couldn't get on the bus with the girls. Because he has to help Owen be a farmer. He had to put these gloves carefully beside his bed last night before he went to sleep. I love him. And I am glad I have another year at home with this little farmer and his sister.



Evan and Clover and Co. said...

Lucky you, getting to spend every day with such a cute little farmer.

Connie said...

I think "Mother's guilt" is the worst! If only we did everything our brains thought about doing, we would all be content super mom's. I always envision everything that I am going to do in the day, and have all these intentions, and then life happens and I end up feeling so inadequate. I am happy Justin is recovering, and glad that unlike a lot of guys he actually decided to go to the E.R. Hopefully, he's back to normal in no time at all!!

Sheena said...

I wonder if Wayne was seen near your camera.... HA HA!

Rebekah said...

Ack, yes, mother's guilt as Connie so aptly put it. It's always wanting to rear it's ugly head. Just give it a good kick and send it flying. Loving to catch up with you again too!